Another Confession, and A Funny Story

Okay, another confession. My name's not Ella. It's Laurie. Plain, old, boyish Laurie. I hate it! That's why I use other names, like Ella. My favorites are Samantha and Jillian, though.

I've hated my name for as long as I can remember. My whole family even says so. No one can remember a time when I wasn't "trying on" names. I guess it's just something that makes me, me.

When I was little, my family and I saw The Addams Family. After that I was Wednesday. Then I found out I was born on a Tuesday, so I tried to get people to call me that. My cousin once said that she remembers me insisting on being called Lisa when I was younger, which she really disliked. I don't remember that. And I am not currently a fan of that name, so the idea seems appalling to me.

So, I suppose now you're wondering what is true about me? So here are the facts:

My name is Laurie, I'm 13 years old and in the 8th grade. I go to a public school in a neighboring district because I hated, absolutely HATED the one in my own district. The kids were awful, constantly making fun of me. And the halls were always dark and dreary, which just added to my depression. My new school is bright and cheery, and so far I'm getting along fine. No one is making fun of me, but, like I said earlier, I haven't met a bosom friend yet.

I really do want to be an authoress some day, and am constantly thinking about writing. Seriously, yesterday I was daydreaming in math when Mr. Hall called on me. He asked me a really simple division problem, like What is 48/2?

Now, normally I would have been able to think of the answer. I'm not super at math, but I do understand the basics, mostly. (Don't EVER get me started on fractions, though!)

Anyway, I could. Not. Think. You know when people say their mind went blank? Well, I always assumed that meant they were thinking of things, just not the right thing, you know? But in this case absolutely NOTHING came into my head. NOTHING! I couldn't even think of how to go about solving the problem! I had been thinking of a story about a girl who feels left out, and ends up writing a poem that wins the heart of this popular but quiet boy at school. So, my mind was a million, bazillion miles away and I couldn't get it to think about math at all.

I ended up resorting to using my calculator, and then when I got the answer I actually looked at my teacher and rolled my eyes. It was so obvious, and I felt so stupid!

Love,
Laurie Samantha

Confession

I've done something really awful. Not deadly awful. But something I shouldn't have done.

You see, my greatest desire is to be somebody. I'm always overlooked, or left out. I know a lot of people say that, but I really mean it. At family get-togethers, I always hear about how smart Amanda is or how talented Erryn is. Nobody ever says anything about me. I'm smart, too! I'm in the gifted program at school. I only missed two questions on our state standards tests. But never does anyone mention that.

If I were a twin, I'd be somebody. You can't overlook twins. And better yet, I'd have a best friend for life. Someone who had grown up under the same circumstances as me, and who truly understood me. I'd always have someone to partner with at school, instead of hoping someone will choose me.

Sometimes I get so tired of not being anybody special, that I make believe I am somebody. Yesterday, I went online and pretended to have an identical twin. I told people we were actresses, and had been all our lives.

I didn't mean to hurt anyone. But, I lied. And that's wrong. I'm sorry. Please forgive me?

Love,
Ella (the one and only)

Let Me Introduce Myself

Dear Diary,

Is it sad that right now you're my best friend? It's true though. I'm new here and don't really know anyone else. They're all too busy with their friends. I feel so left out.

It doesn't help that I'm shy, and a dreamer. People have tried talking to me, but I was lost in some daydream and didn't respond. So now they think I'm stuck up. I'm really not, though.

What I really want to be is a published author. I've wanted to be that for as long as I can remember, and Mom says I have the memory of an elephant! I'd also like to design my own clothes and sell them on Etsy, someday. I don't really care to be rich or wildly famous from either, though. I'd just like to create some things that other people really enjoyed.

I've spent the past hour or so dreaming up names for my future store. I could stick with "Little Story Girl", or I could call it "Ella-Mentary Designs", or something. My favorite idea was "My Sister's Closet", but it's already being used. Besides, I haven't any sisters, so it might seem kind of silly. I was just thinking about my cousins. Erryn, Mandi and Judi are all sisters and they used to constantly steal each others' clothes. They used to fight a lot, too. I've always wished they'd be nicer to each other. They don't know how awfully lonely it is to not have a sister.

That's what I'd like more than anything in the world, even more than Taylor Swift's autograph or having a book published. I would love to have a sister. But Mom and Dad divorced recently, and both say they're happy with just me and my brother. So I guess there's no hope of a sister for me.

Love,
Ella