Another Confession, and A Funny Story

Okay, another confession. My name's not Ella. It's Laurie. Plain, old, boyish Laurie. I hate it! That's why I use other names, like Ella. My favorites are Samantha and Jillian, though.

I've hated my name for as long as I can remember. My whole family even says so. No one can remember a time when I wasn't "trying on" names. I guess it's just something that makes me, me.

When I was little, my family and I saw The Addams Family. After that I was Wednesday. Then I found out I was born on a Tuesday, so I tried to get people to call me that. My cousin once said that she remembers me insisting on being called Lisa when I was younger, which she really disliked. I don't remember that. And I am not currently a fan of that name, so the idea seems appalling to me.

So, I suppose now you're wondering what is true about me? So here are the facts:

My name is Laurie, I'm 13 years old and in the 8th grade. I go to a public school in a neighboring district because I hated, absolutely HATED the one in my own district. The kids were awful, constantly making fun of me. And the halls were always dark and dreary, which just added to my depression. My new school is bright and cheery, and so far I'm getting along fine. No one is making fun of me, but, like I said earlier, I haven't met a bosom friend yet.

I really do want to be an authoress some day, and am constantly thinking about writing. Seriously, yesterday I was daydreaming in math when Mr. Hall called on me. He asked me a really simple division problem, like What is 48/2?

Now, normally I would have been able to think of the answer. I'm not super at math, but I do understand the basics, mostly. (Don't EVER get me started on fractions, though!)

Anyway, I could. Not. Think. You know when people say their mind went blank? Well, I always assumed that meant they were thinking of things, just not the right thing, you know? But in this case absolutely NOTHING came into my head. NOTHING! I couldn't even think of how to go about solving the problem! I had been thinking of a story about a girl who feels left out, and ends up writing a poem that wins the heart of this popular but quiet boy at school. So, my mind was a million, bazillion miles away and I couldn't get it to think about math at all.

I ended up resorting to using my calculator, and then when I got the answer I actually looked at my teacher and rolled my eyes. It was so obvious, and I felt so stupid!

Love,
Laurie Samantha

Confession

I've done something really awful. Not deadly awful. But something I shouldn't have done.

You see, my greatest desire is to be somebody. I'm always overlooked, or left out. I know a lot of people say that, but I really mean it. At family get-togethers, I always hear about how smart Amanda is or how talented Erryn is. Nobody ever says anything about me. I'm smart, too! I'm in the gifted program at school. I only missed two questions on our state standards tests. But never does anyone mention that.

If I were a twin, I'd be somebody. You can't overlook twins. And better yet, I'd have a best friend for life. Someone who had grown up under the same circumstances as me, and who truly understood me. I'd always have someone to partner with at school, instead of hoping someone will choose me.

Sometimes I get so tired of not being anybody special, that I make believe I am somebody. Yesterday, I went online and pretended to have an identical twin. I told people we were actresses, and had been all our lives.

I didn't mean to hurt anyone. But, I lied. And that's wrong. I'm sorry. Please forgive me?

Love,
Ella (the one and only)